Friday, October 03, 2008

Lie Bot was around!

I just had a pretty weird talk with Lie Bot! I hadn't seen him in a while, but there he was, and since I always think it's a good idea to talk about the weather with someone you aren't sure what to talk about with (it's a trick I learned from this old Ollie and Hardy show where they lift a donkey up to a building), we talked about how it rained for the first time since summer!

+ ! + ! +

ME: What a lot of weather we've been having lately, Lie Bot!

LIE BOT: Indeed, little guy! You keepin' dry?

ME: I sure am! (Knocks on wood.) Say, how come we always sleep better when it’s raining?

LB: It’s because the humidity makes the air heavier, like a great big blanket that covers us everywhere, like how we felt inside our mothers before we were born. The sound of the rain falling is also like the steady thrum we heard inside their bellies.

ME: But you weren't born! You're a robot!

LB: The birth of a robot is actually a very misunderstood thing. It's not commonly documented. You see, a very simple robot — not unlike a gelatinous credit card — is suspended in a carbon-rich gel inside something that looks like a small hot water bottle. This casing is slid into a moisture-proof dual-flap bay in the mother and left for five days. Birthing robots have typically escaped cameras, but some grainy footage does exist of them squatting in corners, facing away from the lens, gently sliding the casing back out of themselves.

ME: Oh.

LB: So, you see, we actually do have mothers. Just not how you would prefer us to have them.

ME: Oh, no! I didn't mean that! I want you to be born however you were born! I don't have judgment!

LB: It's too late. I felt like you had judgment about me.

ME: No! Please don't!

LB: Well, I'll see what I can do. It might take six to eight weeks.

ME: Okay, I understand, but PLEASE see if it can be faster!

LB: I can only do so much, kid. I have to go now.

ME: Okay, goodbye! I am very sorry for what I said!

LB: I hope that's true.

- - -

So, I guess I'm on pins and needles until I see him again! I feel pretty bad about saying that he wasn't born. I know that it would really eat me up if people told me that *I* was never born.