Huuugs!

Christmas list!

2008-12-16T23:12:00.000-08:00

Hi everybody! It's Christmas! I already made out my Santa list, and I hope you did too. Here's what I want! I hope it doesn't seem like too much. One of my Thanksgiving wishes was that I would not become a greedy guy.

1. A big green block of flower-arranging foam. Chris's mom brought some of this over on accident, and I loved it! It's a green crumbly brick that you can stick stuff into, and they used to use it in flower arrangements. I want to scrape at it with a spoon and make a nice hillside, with paths and maybe a small windey road. I could use tiny dots of toothpaste as sheep, and glue down rows of dark green yarn as crops!

2. Asparagus dinner. Asparagus makes your pee smell really funny, and I think it would be great if I ate a bunch of asparagus and used the bathroom right before everybody else had to use it (like after a movie). They would get miffed!

(This would not be too mean of a joke because the smell goes away pretty fast and nobody gets dirty.)

3. Nachos. I actually want nachos pretty bad, for some reason! I want them with melty restaurant cheese that stays melted, and not the store cheese that is only melty for like ten seconds. I also want them with perfect little chunks of tomato, and black olives, and a "dollop" (?) of sour cream in the middle on the top.

4. A hat with a pom-pom on top. I got to see an old-fashioned TV show called The Monkees yesterday morning before everyone woke up, and the main guy had a pom-pom hat! He was the coolest person I have ever seen!

I better stop the list here, so it doesn't look like I have the sin of greed. I don't really even think I'll get most of this stuff, but it's cool to dream! I love you!

_ _
_- P I I P E -_
h L P !

Thanks Giving It's Friday!

2008-11-29T18:19:00.001-08:00

Oh, boy! Téodor made the best Thanksgiving dinner! He let me make all of the rolls into different shapes before he baked them! I made one that looked like a bun, and one that looked like a dumpling, and one that looked just like a "river stone." He let Lyle make the gravy, and Lyle used to work at "a restaurant for gummers who hadda' have gravy on every [cussin'] thing," so you could tell that the gravy really was restaurant-good. It was light brown and had pepper flecks in it, just like in the picture.

Here is my list of things I was Thankful for that night! I was hoping we would go around the table and say our thanks, but we didn't, except when people would pass the salt or something, and just say the basic thanks.

PHILIPPE IS THANKFUL FOR!

1. Top Ramen. This is my new favorite food in the world! Lyle puts it in a Pyrex with some water and microwaves it before he leaves for work. I can get it out and eat it whenever! I like soy sauce on it, and peanuts, and ham chunks, and black olives.

2. My mom! You always have to be thankful for your mom. I have seen some pretty sad TV shows about moms who are "off the chain" and don't take care of their kids (but maybe they will someday). Anyhow, I don't think my mom was ever "off the chain," even for a second. My mom has always been pretty much "on the chain." I guess that is why I am polite.

3. Udon. This is like fat Top Ramen, so it is even chewier and more fun to eat. Sometimes I wonder if my favorite food would be a noodle as thick as a cucumber, and you just took one bite off of it at a time.

4. "Theory Noodle." Ray told me this is what any noodle you can explain but isn't real yet would be called. I am thankful that my big cucumber-size noodle can maybe be real some day!

I Love YouuuUUUUUU!

Thank YOUUUU

Philippe.

Lie Bot was around!

2008-10-03T18:47:00.000-07:00

I just had a pretty weird talk with Lie Bot! I hadn't seen him in a while, but there he was, and since I always think it's a good idea to talk about the weather with someone you aren't sure what to talk about with (it's a trick I learned from this old Ollie and Hardy show where they lift a donkey up to a building), we talked about how it rained for the first time since summer!

+ ! + ! +

ME: What a lot of weather we've been having lately, Lie Bot!

LIE BOT: Indeed, little guy! You keepin' dry?

ME: I sure am! (Knocks on wood.) Say, how come we always sleep better when it’s raining?

LB: It’s because the humidity makes the air heavier, like a great big blanket that covers us everywhere, like how we felt inside our mothers before we were born. The sound of the rain falling is also like the steady thrum we heard inside their bellies.

ME: But you weren't born! You're a robot!

LB: The birth of a robot is actually a very misunderstood thing. It's not commonly documented. You see, a very simple robot — not unlike a gelatinous credit card — is suspended in a carbon-rich gel inside something that looks like a small hot water bottle. This casing is slid into a moisture-proof dual-flap bay in the mother and left for five days. Birthing robots have typically escaped cameras, but some grainy footage does exist of them squatting in corners, facing away from the lens, gently sliding the casing back out of themselves.

ME: Oh.

LB: So, you see, we actually do have mothers. Just not how you would prefer us to have them.

ME: Oh, no! I didn't mean that! I want you to be born however you were born! I don't have judgment!

LB: It's too late. I felt like you had judgment about me.

ME: No! Please don't!

LB: Well, I'll see what I can do. It might take six to eight weeks.

ME: Okay, I understand, but PLEASE see if it can be faster!

LB: I can only do so much, kid. I have to go now.

ME: Okay, goodbye! I am very sorry for what I said!

LB: I hope that's true.

- - -

So, I guess I'm on pins and needles until I see him again! I feel pretty bad about saying that he wasn't born. I know that it would really eat me up if people told me that *I* was never born.

XOXOX,
Philippe.

How to make candy?

2008-07-30T15:31:00.000-07:00

I figured something out! The best guys in the world, like the pioneers and Thomas Edison, didn't wait around for things -- they went and got them! I always want candy, so I decided to try and make my own. I was like, "Somebody cooks candy somewhere, so why can't I cook it here? It's just stuff." If it worked, I would always have a supply of fresh candy, mornin'-'til-night!

I decided to start with jelly beans, a pretty basic candy. We had jelly in the fridge, so I put some on a spoon and took a good long look at it. I thought to myself, what would turn this into a jelly bean? The answer was that it needed to be in kind of a hard bean shape. But how?

I thought about that problem, too, and decided that the freezer makes things hard. I put a bunch of little jelly nuggets on a plate and put it in the freezer for one hour. My "beans" stuck to the plate really bad and were not candy. I let myself say "rats" and put the plate in the sink.

I guess next I will just go ahead and try to make a candy bar. I will pour the wet chocolate into a rectangle space made out of books, and let it get hard. Maybe I will drop some chocolate chips into it. I'll let you know how it goes. I love you.

-Philippe!

I am Learning about Hobos.

2008-05-30T18:10:00.000-07:00

I found a web site about hobos! These are little old guys with too long of old brown shoes, who jump on trains and "ride the rails." They are kind of like on a long camping trip, only they can never stop camping, or they will be homeless. They also have their own hobo way of doing stuff. They even have a hobo language! Here are some hobo words that I copied from the web site:

Frenchy: a French hobo
birds: chickens or flying birds
rake-rack tavern: a garden shed
biscuit shooter: a man so crazy that he shoots his own breakfast
finger makin's: any activity done with the fingers

I would like to be a hobo some day, but it looks like they can be kind of dangerous sometimes. Lots of people write that true hobos will only stick their middle finger up during really, really bad times, when they are "in a corner" and can't help it, but some also say that a few hobos can fly "off the handle" and stick their middle finger up even when just meeting you. I would need to learn karate, in case of a hobo like that.

"French Fries was the case they gave me."

2008-04-27T22:36:00.000-07:00

(That is kind of a quote from a song that Ray plays in his car when he drives up to our house.)

I guess I'm just lucky, because whenever anybody goes out in the car to get fast food for the house, I usually get most of the french fries from all the meals! Lyle gets his big Ultimate Cheeseburger, and Téodor gets his Jumbo Jack, and Mr. Bear gets his coffee and toasted bun, and I always get almost all of their fries! They always eat one or two to be polite, but then they pretty much always ask me if I would like the rest. This is super-good because I never have any money ever to get a hamburger, but I still get to be with the gang. Boy are things good around here! Roast Beef is out in his white car right now getting McDonald's for everybody, and I can't wait for my fries! I don't want to have an ego but I am going to get my special fork out ahead of time so I can twirl the fries around it like spaghetti! This dish is called Spaghetti Philippo! French fries on a fork, twirled around. Love you XO

The Dog Got an Operation!

2008-03-27T14:50:00.001-07:00

Chris's dog got an operation! She was peeing when she wasn't supposed to, and not peeing when she was supposed to, and when that happens Chris says a lot of mean things about dogs being more expensive than they are important. Dogs are important! They sit around and are cute and always have a good hug in them if you're in the dumps. If they have a problem and get thirty big stones in their bladder, well it's not like that was something they decided, because dogs can't make decisions! (They would be terrible in front of the big order board at McDonald's.)

She is better now, but she has a big scar up her middle that has twenty big metal staples. It looks pretty sucky, but she is being a real star about it. Téodor says she looks like something Trent Reznor would play football with (she is a dachshund dog, so her legs tuck up real tight next to her body). Roast Beef says she looks "hell of beat down by this whole way that it goes." Lyle said she looks "banged up." One thing is for sure...everybody is coming up with something to say lately. Love you!

x's and o's
Philippe

I got inspired by politics! AGAIN!

2008-03-05T06:26:00.000-08:00

Today I saw a really important old politics speech on TV! It was by John F. Kennedy. John F. Kennedy said,

"Ask not what you can do for your country, ask what your country can do for you!"

Isn't that super? It is the question we all should be asking ourselves! Why can't the country do anything for us?! I saw that car gas is "twice" what it is supposed to be, and every single day a guy with a gun blows away six people at a Wendy's in Los Angeles! Plus, if you don't have health insurance, you have to go to the worst hospital in the area and wait for eight hours while a crazy guy in a gray trench coat wigs out! (ER)

Here is my list of things America can do for ME the next time it asks!

1) No more crazy guys. I don't mean you should lock them up and put away the key, but at least get them on a bus and take a vote about where everyone wants to go. Maybe have team jerseys to boost spirits! On the back, in a little arc, letters could spell C R A Z Y. Ball caps could help keep their hair tamed.

2) Close all of the Wendy's in Los Angeles. Gun sales will probably go to zero once gun buyers see that.

3) Shampoo might be cheaper than ball caps, actually. You know what? I bet if you gave most crazy guys a good shampoo and conditioning rinse, their hair would just look like regular baseball player hair! WAIT A MINUTE I JUST SOLVED HOMELESSNESS! Have Crazy League, where crazy guys travel the country and play each other! It will work perfectly, because if one of the crazy guys starts to act super crazy, the rest will be like, "COME ON ROGER WE MADE IT THIS FAR." Mr. Bear says this is called "group dynamics."

Ray is bummed out.

2008-01-28T16:37:00.000-08:00

Ray came by today! Usually it is pretty great to see him, because he always has a little piece of candy for you, or wants to bet on who can drop a magazine the fastest (they say he is nice to let me win, but I watch, and I think I win on purpose), only today it was not great to see him. I mean, I cared about him, because he is my friend, but he made me sad. He was not himself.

He knocked on the door, then let himself in and walked through the house. No one was around but me. I asked if he would like to be Baked Potato Brothers, but he said he didn't want lunch and went out back. (I ate some Adam's Natural Peanut Butter from a jar Chris left by the furnace grate, don't worry.)

I don't like to sin, but I climbed up on the kitchen counter to see what he was doing on the back step. He was just sitting there! I watched for a little more and I saw him getting even more mad. This is what he said:

RAY: Jesus Christ. Who cares what shape America is. People are so used to god-damned [sorry!] AMERICA shape that they gonna send me email all god-damned [sorry!] day if America ain't the shape they familiar with. So WHAT if Florida don't get colored in no more? So WHAT if Florida is ocean color when I rule? THAT'S ASS [sorry!] AS HELL! [sorry!]

ME: [IN MY IMAGINATION] It's okay, Ray! America can be any shape you want, as long as you hold onto your dreams! Shucks! What's in a shape, anyway? Shapes are just how things look and seem!

RAY: Maybe I'll get a gmail account I can ignore. I don't know. How does a President even handle email. Probably has a bunch of folders set up, like by an aide.

He picked at one of his toenails after that, and then he went home. He was as unhappy when he came as when he left. I didn't do a good job helping, but I didn't get a lot of tries.

I said a hate word! Oh my gosh it is so terrible!

2008-01-16T21:07:00.000-08:00

Oh my gosh I got in so much trouble! I didn't know it was a cuss, I swear! I was just repeating what I heard two guys next door say when they were working on their cars! The one guy in the white no-sleeves shirt said a "nigger" was "giving him hell" recently, and his car friend said he "wasn't surprised"! I would never have said that word if I knew it was bad! They said it first!

Everyone has been looking at me really meanly since I used this terrible word, and I cried six times so far. I didn't even use the bad word at anyone...I just said that since Cornelius hogged the bathroom all afternoon he was "being a real nigger."

Everyone started yelling at me immediately and I broke into tears! I didn't know, honest everybody! Even the nicest people in the house hate me now! I even heard that Ray's mom was "crest fallen" when she heard the news!

I wish I was dead. I am so horrible. I hope they get doctors to give me the operation that makes me idiotic.

My Christmas Presents!

2007-12-28T13:08:00.001-08:00

I got the best Christmas presents! Oh my gosh everybody knew exactly what I would like! Here is a list of the stuff I got.

1. A History of Critters ("non-fiction")
2. Dinner on Snowflake Mountain (I think this is a "fiction," but a lot of it could have happened)
3. Hardened Hams and Blackened Yams (a little book about ruined food)
4. Trevor! ("non-fiction")
5. Guide to the Loire Valley ("non-fiction," from Lyle, but Mr. Bear had signed his name in the front! How goofy.)

I am so excited! It looks like I can do a lot of reading this year, and that will keep me from committing sins. Thank you everyone!

Happy Thanksgiving 2007!

2007-11-21T12:00:00.001-08:00

A naked lady made Téodor crazy!

2007-11-08T18:53:00.000-08:00

Ray made Téodor look at a real naked lady all week long and now Téodor is crazy! His brain doesn't work! Mr. Bear sits with him all day and chooses good times to feed him soup (these can't be times when he's shaking). Ray feels really bad and even had Dr. Andretti hook him up to a machine that measures his heart rate and his Beats Per Minute. (The machine shows that Ray is doing fine, but his blood pressure is a little high.)

It is neat that when people get sick everyone knows to chip in. Lyle went out and got extra whiskey, and I have a little bowl with a cold washcloth in it. Even Roast Beef is here (I called him because he really knows about nervousness), and he is playing some songs that are very important to Téodor on a little MP3 player. There is one good song right now where the singer sounds kind of sad...it is called Rocket Man.

Dinner was Crummy!

2007-09-25T22:15:00.000-07:00

Mr. Bear made dinner and it was pretty crummy! He cooked Pants a Nella, and it was stupid! It was just stupid big bread pieces with not enough lettuce and meat and cheese and DINNER! He said it was from Italy but I say it was from Stupidanada! Stupid bread dinner with crummy not enough meat and cheese! Mr. Bear is gay! Blee bla bloo blee blah bloo dah

[auto-save 08:29:52p]

Oh my gosh I forgot to post this message and I am glad I did! It is maybe two hours later now and I just saw this on the computer screen. I should never have said that about you, Mr. Bear, and I take it all back a hundred percent. Thank you for feeding me waffles with peanut butter after I ran away from the table in sin. Thank you for forgiving my shrieks.

Philippe.

They showed me how to make Jelly Bellies!

2007-09-13T21:25:00.000-07:00

There was a show on TV about how to make Jelly Belly jelly beans! I think I can even make them at home now! All you need is some sugar and a big spinny copper washing machine!

Okay, I got the ingredients. You actually need "gelatine," and I think that's what Jell-O is. You also need lots of sugar, to add to the washing machine a little bit over time! I'll go get it started. Our washing machine is just regular metal, I hope that doesn't make a difference.

Okay, I started the washing machine and poured in the Jell-O. Since the washing machine always tries to shoot out the water it's been using, I put a tennis ball and a bunch of tape over the hose where the water comes out. I also put some apples into the main washing tub, so the Jelly Bellies can be apple flavor. My favorite! (Almost.)

BAD PROJECT NEWS 9:21PM

Chris came into the laundry room to sniff and see if he had any underwear he could wear out to a nice dinner, and I guess he stepped in a lot of sticky, "fat" water. I think the machine overflowed? He said it ruined the feet of a lot of old furniture they have in the garage, and that he was also "super pissed-off" ["I am SUPER PISSED OFF! I AM SO PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW!!!"]. He even carefully took a wine bottle from the recycling, walked real slow out to the back yard, and then threw it as hard as he could against a soft hill of dirt. The wine bottle didn't break, so he breathed really loud out of his nose like Rocky and then went inside and sat in the bathroom for twenty-seven minutes. He turned magazine pages, not book pages. (Magazine pages crinkle more, book pages have a good soft sound.)

So much for making jelly beans at home. I have to spend the rest of the night wiping up the garage, and it is pretty crummy in there. I can't even have music, Chris said. (Music might make me happy.)

I had a birthday!

2007-08-22T19:23:00.000-07:00

It was my birthday! I got lots of nice presents. Téodor gave me a big map of a cow that shows the cooking areas of the cow, and Roast Beef got me a wind-up plane that has a rubber band engine! Don't tell him but it isn't very good. It always goes crazy directions and crashes, even when I use a ruler to get everything straight. Please don't tell him. I know how he likes perfect stuff.

Molly got me a FiberPower Lil' Knitter Kit! She says that most boys don't knit but that I am a special boy, so I can learn how. Knitting can actually be really useful! Molly said that when I learn to knit-1 pearl-2 (?) I can start making hats and she said I can even make a brown potato out of knitting! (The potato was my idea.) Then we had cake and we almost had ice cream but Téodor forgot to put his ice cream mixer part in the freezer over night so we pretended to run around in the back yard. Guess what! I won!

Things are great! Hi!

2007-08-14T18:46:00.000-07:00

Things are great! The rich guy with the butt went away (the guy from next door, read last time), and it's gonna be fall soon! There are so many fun parts about fall. Malt-O-Meal with the special syrup that goes in a spiral on top...a hot mug of coco...and Flopsy goes away! Flopsy is a guy who you think is a lady, since his hair is all shaved off everywhere except where he has regular guy hair on his head! He wears sunglasses and a tiny cap and jogs really slow all day with his arms all floppy at his sides (he goes one way past the window in the morning and then comes back the other way at like two o'clock!). I watch him jog by each morning, and I am glad when he goes away the other direction in the afternoon. You should jog like you have bones in your arms! And you should not be shaved all over if you are a boy. That seems like a sin.

Sorry to get so steamed. I guess I don't like guys with shaved bodies. Maybe I am turning Republican.

Wait! Téodor says he thinks Flopsy is training for a Triathlon, or maybe even the Olympics! Oh boy! I am so proud of Flopsy. Many boys do not follow their dreams! He really has determination! I love Flopsy. I wish I could have his autograph. Maybe I'll put some paper and a pen on the sidewalk before the next time he jogs by. I wonder if he would want to talk to me?

I guess I'm a Democrat after all! (Shaved guys OK)

Love,
Philippe and I wish Flopsy was my friend.

A guy with a butt is next door!

2007-07-10T16:22:00.000-07:00

It is nasty! The human man who is in his back yard next door is kinda plump, and older, and he is sitting at a picnic table thinking. He has jeans on like a lady wears (I think he's kind of rich) and you can see the top two edges of his butt! The crack of his butt is really wide, like wide enough to put a small red potato in, or a harmonica. Will my butt be like that when I am older? Maybe it's not actually the crack of his butt, but just some unlucky back muscles or extra plumpness that didn't fit in the pants all the way, and his fancy pants are making an extra butt. I don't think that the new kind of pants is such a good idea, for anyone.

Oh, I shouldn't talk about this. It's probably a sin. I'll ask Mr. Bear which one, he knows the Bible pretty good.

I was wrong about celebrities!

2007-06-18T16:58:00.000-07:00

Boy howdy! Last time I did a blog I said all kinds of stuff about how celebrities should be stopped, and about how they get koo-koo on beer, but now I have a different opinion!

My good friend Téodor watched some TV celebrity news with me and he said that everybody has the same problems as celebrities, only celebrities get focused on. Whoops! Sorry, celebrities. I was pretty bad to you, and if you want to, maybe we can play some make-up horseshoes together. I will dress nice in case anyone focuses on us.

Also, it is good that Roast Beef is getting married to Molly! She is the nicest person and if she was related to me I would wish that she was my aunt. When ever I go over there she always asks if she can make me a grilled cheese. I am usually too polite to say yes but when I cave in she always makes a perfect crispy one! Roast Beef is very lucky.

He is lucky!

Door to Door Pretzel Man!

2007-05-07T18:46:00.000-07:00

A pretzel guy came to the door! He was so nice. He was from Germany, but he didn't have a mustache and fat little boots. He was just a regular skinny young guy with a cap on and sneakers! His big soft pretzels were delicious, and he had a great "can-do attitude." Chris bought a bunch for everyone in the house because he was happy that he wasn't coughing for once (Chris has a pretty bad cold, and he keeps yelling at the dog for eating what comes out of his lungs onto the deck). Yum!

Do you believe what celebrities are getting away with these days? They drive a car when they are koo-koo on beer, they lie to a judge, they even fly too much and pollute! Who's gonna put an end to this? It's time to band together and stop celebrities! Please call a radio show of your choice and say the same thing, street team!

Beef Jerky!

2007-03-13T12:27:00.000-07:00

Who would ever guess that I would find so much beef jerky in a drawer! Not me, boy howdy! (I learned to say that from a TV puppet dressed like a freckly cowboy -- "boy howdy" is a good thing to say instead of "d****t")

So I had all this beef jerky today and Lie Bot said it was what cowboys ate instead of steak! It seems that steak has "water weight" in it, which is hard for horses to carry around, and so they squashed raw steaks under their saddles as they rode, until the water got squeezed out. Then the steaks were ready to take on the trail! The younger cowboys had to do this chore, and there are some famous paintings of jerkyboys done by a painter named Freddie "Say Cheese For Six Hours" Remington! What kind of a name is that?! Anyhow, I bet it was neat to ride on a steak seat. I bet it felt as good as a waterbed! I bet a lot of jerkboys fell asleep and went right in the ditch!

Can I have a waterbed? Oh, I'm sorry. That was rude of me. I had better quit sinning and asking the public for stuff. Sorry!

Hail Mary, full of grace, how does your garden grow?

Wait, no. Oh boy, I have to look it up again. Bye! Love you!

-Philippe!-

Whoah! Saw a dog today!

2007-01-23T17:21:00.000-08:00

I saw a corgey dog! I'm not sure if that's how you spell it. He was little and fat and he was super nice. Usually I don't like dogs too much but this dog (Frederick Dumplington the Third) was pretty slow and he didn't have a lot of attitude. He was mostly just happy to see me and I have to say the same about him! I let him lick my arms and stomach for a while and then he went on his way. Phew was I glad that he did not get all crazy when I giggled! What a good boy.

Hubloo-ah! It's Kah-RISS-mas!

2006-12-13T21:51:00.000-08:00

Dat's right! I got da new "Knuckle Headz" Little Vinnie PDF! ("It's da PDF dat most kids got!") Now I's learnin' ta talk like Rod an' Woody in da mornin'! My main gamboni Lyle helped me what wit da downloadin', and so's now I can talk like a real gabbagoon!

Whew! It took me almost an hour to translate that paragraph into Knuckle Headz language! This is going to take some getting used to, I can tell. But the results are great! I already sound like Little Vinnie, who calls in regularly to the Rod and Woody In The Morning show!

The baby made me go to sleep!

2006-11-27T22:38:00.000-08:00

Chris's baby girl (well she is twenty months now) made me go to sleep! It was so funny. She was walking around in the house and all of a sudden she picked me up and said "Otter! Bed!" and she put me under some blankets on the couch! Everyone was saying it was very cute and I guess I fell asleep because the next thing I knew it was night time and Chris and Liz were in the other room having a strong discussion about how Chris wants to cook prawns but Liz doesn't like them and Chris feels "held back." I didn't want to bug anybody so I stayed under the blankets and thought about ships until Chris went to be alone in the car.

Tomorrow is taco night!

I got a buck!

2006-10-04T21:06:00.000-07:00

There was a buck sitting by the door today! The front door, by the driveway. Somebody lost a buck! Chris said that he lost it, but that I could keep it, because it "didn't amount to #### in the scheme of things." Is that guy always having a bad time?! I know he moans out grouses when the bills are due (and they are always due it seems!) but come on! Can't the guy be happy for a kid who found a dollar? A dollar's a big deal for a kid! I thought he woulda got me an ice cream cone at least, or said I could put the dollar towards an ice cream cone the next time he went into town. Too bad I've got a buck and I can't use it 'cause Chris is feelin' like a jerk! Sorry Chris, but God says that we should be honest. This is my honesty to you.

It was Chinese food night today!

2006-09-07T22:35:00.000-07:00

Lyle and Mr. Bear and Téodor were happy tonight and they bought Chinese food for the whole house! They spared no expense! It was so great. Even Roast Beef came over. There were pot stickers, and won ton soup, and delicious slant-cut vegetables, but best of all was the chow main! Chow main is a long soft noodle with soy sauce on it, and sprouts. How dang good can food taste, you think, when eating chow main! Chinese noodles have way more flavor than Italian noodles and without dang red sauce! Who here has been there when Italian noodle sauce messed up their shirt and got on the floor?! I'm with you! So is Roast Beef, I am pretty sure.

Chinese Noodles: yes.
Italian Noodles: take a hike, Italian noodles.

Roast Beef pointed out that Chinese people are Communists, so maybe Communism should get a second thought after all! He also said that the only other Communist countries besides China are Laos, North Korea, Vietnam, and Cuba. I bet these countries have good food too but I am not going to say so...yet.

—Philippe.

Car crash sin.

2006-08-16T23:10:00.000-07:00

Today I was looking out the front window at the cars driving by, and I guess I was kind of bored, because I wished that some of the cars would crash into each other and cause a bad accident. I immediately knew that it was a sin to want strangers to get hurt, so I punished myself by saying "Hail Mary" thirty-seven times (I counted in between each Hail Mary, so I could keep my place). What is the matter with me? How come I wanted to see a bad car crash? Maybe I don't get enough excitement in my life? I guess I will try to sin less for the rest of the week, and figure out my problems. I sure hope I don't have to get therapy. I heard that therapy is over a hundred dollars!

I need to join a movie-voting website!

2006-08-02T11:29:00.000-07:00

I just saw the greatest movie! If you don't know, it's called THE INCREDIBLES. It's about a family where EVERYBODY is superheroes, even the baby! I forget what the baby does, I think it can start fires or something. Wow, maybe that sounds bad when I write about it, but in the movie it is pretty cool and the baby is responsible.

I'm going to work on my superhero powers today. I don't think I got any when I was born, so I have to create my own, like Syndrome. I already have some ideas, and I practiced crushing a tuna can with my foot. I got it a little bit bent, but I think I need to make Crusher Shoes! I had an idea that I could tape a spike to the back of my shoe like a cowboy spurs! Where do you get just a plain spike?!

What did I eat?

2006-07-19T12:07:00.000-07:00

Boy, that was weird! Did you ever have an experience where you ate something, but you didn't know how to spell the word for it, so you couldn't look up pictures of it on Google after the meal? That happened to me only once before that I remember, when Mr. Bear made me an omelette. I had no idea how to spell that! I thought it would be "omlit," like it sounds. Well, today it happened again! Téodor microwaved me some Trader Joe's takito's? Takeetos? Tockito's? They are like a small taco, but "tacito" doesn't look right. I did a Google Images search for "tacito" and, just like you would expect, all I saw were pictures of lady butts. What is it with the butts, people! I bet I could do a Google Images search for "The Bible" and the first result would be a picture of a lady's butt next to a bible! It's silly how crazy this world is for lady butts.

Anyhow, I don't know what I ate.

FUN PARTY a total success!!

2006-07-03T20:53:00.000-07:00

Boy, I guess people were ready for some summer fun! There were so many guests at my FUN PARTY that there was almost not enough room for everyone! Fortunately, there was barely enough room.

People kept coming and coming! My FUN PARTY started at 2pm, right after lunchtime nap, and pretty soon Téodor and Mr. Bear were snacking and having fun. Before too long the robots came and they even brought some robots I did not know! They used their robot cell phones to put out a General Message (?) and pretty soon lots more people came over! I guess some of them read the situation, so they started bringing more chips and hot dogs and cups and stuff! It was great!

My idea of sprinkler dancing was real fun, and a lot of people played in there for a long time before cooling off on towels on the back lawn. It was like a beach resort from Sunset Magazine! I went inside and put on my captain hat. People said it was just the right thing!

The party went really super-late, so I didn't get to see most of it, but Téodor and Mr. Bear say that it was a great time, and that lots of the local expert partyers decided to stay! Téodor said that even hippies and rappers were having a good time, and that a guy named Tree was talking to a guy named "Spook Wigga" for almost an hour!

The next day I helped clean up big mountains of cans and cups and party stuff before anyone got up. I am so happy that people liked my party! I cleaned up everything and now there is no mess.

FUN PARTY! Everyone's invited!

2006-06-28T18:02:00.000-07:00

Who wants to come to my FUN PARTY!

Who wants to be at my FUN PARTY?

My idea was that it is summertime now, but no one has even played in the sprinklers once! So we are going to have a sprinkler area on the lawn, and I will clean up the poo nuggets from Olive the dog, and after that I will set out all the snacks! For snacks we will have Fake Salad (a head of iceberg lettuce in a big bowl of ranch dressing! You peel off a leaf and dip it into the dressing! It is a casual salad! I invented it!), "Spider Tempters" (gummy flies :( ), and Captain Philippe's sliced hot dogs on toothpicks. For drinks there will be big bowls of water, and you have to drink from them like a dog! For dessert I will see if I can get someone to bring dessert.

I'm not sure if I'll have music. I want people to be able to hear each other.

Later, I will tell you how much fun we had at my FUN PARTY!

Where is the communism poster?!

2006-06-14T21:04:00.001-07:00

Téodor took down his communism poster and put up a big sad poster about a funeral that they had for some people who died in an arcade fire. It made me think a lot. Arcades are supposed to be fun places, and I was supposed to get to go to one pretty soon, but maybe now I don't want to. It seems like with all those video game machines using all that electricity, things could get pretty bad pretty quickly. I think a lot of times at an arcade there is only one door, to keep bad kids from sneaking out back and smoking, and I guess this time too many kids tried to get out the front door at once and they all got stuck and they burned to death.

I thought about that a lot and about how lucky I was that I can stay safe at home where there are so many doors and no video games. I re-made sure I knew where all the doors were (2), and that kind of reminded me of a communism activity, but now that Téodor's poster is gone I don't really feel very communisty anymore. I think maybe I'll dress like a ghost and be the Arcade Fire Awareness Ghost. Hey, that's what I'll do! I'll actually do that! Téodor will probably help with the sheet, since he already knows about the problem. I will get him to dip the edges of the sheet in lemon juice and burn it a little bit with a candle (in the yard, always near an adult) so that it looks like it was in a fire. I will also try to think about a rhyme or a sentence I can say.

Well, what can I tell you!

2006-03-28T18:23:00.000-08:00

I tried to be a good communist for almost two months but it didn't catch on with anyone. Every time Lyle would leave the toilet paper roll empty I would replace it, but I would write "TRY COMMUNISM SOMETIME" on the empty roll and leave it on the couch where he sits, and you would think he would get the message but he didn't.

When Téodor left dirty pans on the stove I put pieces of paper that said "WHAT ABOUT COMMUNISM? COME ON, TÉODOR!" under his door. No luck. He never said anything about it!

Even Mr. Bear did not care about communism. He was snoring in his room, and it was keeping people awake, so the next morning I told him that snoring was not the communist way and he just said "really, now!" and walked into the other room and read an entire book for six hours!

I am not sure communism is going to work at this house. Everyone here is pretty set in their ways, and maybe I have to do communism privately. Maybe I will have a special "Communism Sunday" in the back yard and everyone will bring treats, like a potluck. We could have scrambled eggs, and pancakes, and strawberry slices in sugar syrup. I could say a little bit about communism during the toast, but not so much that anybody caught on. Maybe banana lengths could be sliced and placed on the pancakes to look like hammer and sickles. They're already kind of curved. I will let you know. I'm a communist, you better believe it!

Good communism today!

2006-01-30T00:48:00.000-08:00

I did pretty good with communism today! I cleaned the kitchen again, and I even had some time to dust-bust the cracks in the living room couch. That was definitely a different change of pace, since usually the couch is real scratchy to sit on because of everyone always eating meals on there. Then I did my special communism sit-ups and push-ups (Lyle taught me to say "hammer!" when I go up, and "sickle!" when I go down!), and I checked to see if I had arm-pit hair yet! (I don't know why! Sorry if you are reading this!)

I thought it would be fun if I could get the baby do do communism stuff with me, but when I tried to get her attention she crawled over to the VCR and put a breadstick into it. That's not communism! That's anarchy!

Communism!

2006-01-19T00:36:00.000-08:00

Téodor got this really cool Russia poster! It is from history. It is from "communism"? There is a main guy with a mustache, and beneath him are all kinds of workers raising wrenches and hammers! It looks so cool. It makes me want to march into the kitchen and change how things are done. Maybe I will clean the stove, because it is so gross and greasy! And after that, I will take out the trash, because it's been a few days and there are chicken giblets in there. Communism! It's communism for me, I tell you! It's time for a change!

Communism! I'm all for it!

Goodbye Franky my son.

2006-01-01T20:08:00.000-08:00

Franky stayed up in his nest on the telephone pole all day on Christmas Eve. He didn't even come down on Christmas Day when I went out and sang Jingle Bells to him. I left his present at the bottom of the pole (a bunch of birdseed hardened into the shape of an acorn), and hung his stocking on a little thumbtack. Just like always he didn't look at me and just stood still the whole time. I told him I loved him and went back inside. I know he doesn't like to be bothered by his dad.

A couple days after Christmas some other birds his age started hanging around his nest, and they would sometimes fly around the neighborhood together, and it hurt a little bit to see him playing with them. I guess I was glad he had some happiness though. They would fly over to the top of the walnut tree, and sometimes do little swoops at the lawn from up high, and chase each other. Then they would hang around his nest or sit on the telephone wire together, stuff I could never do with him.

Today when I went outside to make sure he had water in the little white coffee can lid he likes to drink out of, all kinds of birds were sitting up there with Franky. It was maybe ten times as many as before, and they were all looking around and chirping and stretching their wings. Then one took off and started flying in a circle above the nest, and then some more, and pretty soon all the birds but Franky were circling in the air. Little by little their circle got bigger, and then one end of it came loose and they started to fly away like a long ribbon.

When the last birds flew away Franky stretched his wings and jumped into the air to follow them. I'm glad he looked back one last time, because I was waving at him. When I was sure he was too far away to see me anymore I went over to the little space between the shed and the fence and I had a long cry all by myself where nobody could see. It is hard enough to be a dad, I don't want people to make fun of me too.

Franky attacked Lyle!

2005-12-21T17:44:00.001-08:00

Franky moved full-time into a nest he made on the telephone pole that is above the yard, and he stopped visiting. It was hard to get used to, and in private I cried when I remembered the fun times we had when he was a baby and I could take care of him and have him sit on my lap during Cheers. I set out a little plate of ground beef grinds and cooked spaghetti noodles, his favorite meal, but he did not touch it and it turned hard in the sun. When I took the plate away he turned his head and did not look at me.

This afternoon Lyle was taking a nap on the lawn and Franky flew down and attacked him! Lyle doesn't wake up very easy during his afternoon lawn naps and Franky really got him good. I hate violence but I can understand why Franky was mad at Lyle. I bet they never are friends.

Lyle had to go to the hospital to make sure his eyeball was OK, and he had to get some shots because someone said that Franky might have the flu. Boy, if I could fight like that when *I* had the flu, I'd be one tough fella! In a way, I am proud of Franky. He only knows a couple of things, and he did what he thought was right. He used bird justice, because he is a bird, and Lyle hurt his mom. I guess he is healthy in that way, even if he might have flu. I am proud that my son believes in justice. He is a good boy, but he has had a hard life.

I will leave some more ground beef on a leaf under his nest. I won't even look at him. The next morning, if it's gone, he can pretend that someone else ate it, and not act like he took help from me. I won't even check.

What did I do to Franky?

2005-12-06T21:24:00.000-08:00

Sigh...Cranky Franky went from being grouchy to just plain mean. In the last couple weeks he started sleeping on a big car-wash sponge on a high shelf in the laundry room (he can fly a little bit now) and during the day when we go outside for our walk he flaps as hard as he can and sits on the edge of the rain gutter. He looks everywhere but at me, like he is mad at me. It makes me so sad that he used to be my little baby bird and I would take care of him all day and night and sing Rainbow Connection but now he doesn't even want me around. Maybe I did a bad job? I don't know how to be a dad! Plus maybe he thinks of me when he remembers the awful thing that Lyle did to his mom! I feel horrible. I feel like I have a little hammer sitting in my guts.

Love,
Philippe.

Franky is being grumpy.

2005-11-22T21:53:00.000-08:00

Franky is getting testy, and grumpy. On Monday he was just plain crabby. I don't know what's gotten into him, but he is so grouchy lately! Maybe it's growing pains. His beak might hurt from hardening, or he could have a hidden disease in his eyes. It's hard being a dad. Especially when your kid can't say why he's cranky! Cranky old Franky. That's what I should call him.

Today when we were playing Eat-A-Worm (I put a cooked spaghetti noodle on the floor and wear a sailor's hat) he didn't eat the noodle at all, he just stamped on it with his little foot and hissed at me! Usually he eats the noodle for a while! How come he changed?

In other Cranky Franky news, he pecked a hole in Téodor's around-the-house moccasin, and Téodor got mad, but he blamed it on the rats he saw in the garage. I want to tell him the truth but I already know he is mad that Franky is so noisy in the morning.

Playin' with Franky!

2005-11-12T17:18:00.000-08:00

We've had a fun couple of weeks together! Franky learned how to grow feathers, and we watch Cheers every day at 2pm (his favorite actor is Norm, because he squeaks every time Norm walks into the bar and all the people go, "Nooorm!"), and I feed him little pieces of ground beef with tweezers five times a day. Also we made a "farm area" which is an old litterbox with healthy corn grits in the bottom, and Tootsie Rolls that he likes to pick at. The Tootsie Rolls were Lyle's idea, because Franky needs sugar. It is hard to see but sometimes I know that Lyle knows best.

He still sleeps in the laundry room, but sometimes he decides to escape and he waddles down the hall looking for me. It is so cute! He waddles like a little baby bird and he looks so sure of himself. I hope he doesn't have a big ego.

This is pretty bad. You might not want to read it.

2005-10-27T18:55:00.000-07:00

Like I said last time, I sprayed a bunch of Philippe water onto some almonds and left them out for Franky's mom to eat. I thought that if the food smelled like me, she would have good thoughts of me.

But there is bad news. Franky's mom came down to eat the almonds, but when she did, the almond was too big for her throat and I guess it got stuck! I guess they don't chew? They don't chew! She got the almond stuck in her throat and she fell over and her wings were flapping all around like crazy! Franky was screaming and crying and she was flopping all over the place! I didn't know what to do so I yelled for Lyle and he saw what happened and he went outside and I can't say what he did but he said that birds can't burp and only one thing can happen once they start choking but if that is true how come they up-chuck for their babies and he said that is different that is a different system meant only for feeding their babies and he and then and Lyle got his smells on Franky and Franky is in a towel in the laundry room but he is okay but we but he but what if he but his mom and if I and Lyle said we would bury her but I don't want him to and all I can do is cry tonight! Today is so awful!

I fooled Franky's mom!

2005-10-27T09:59:00.000-07:00

You know how Franky's mom had been figuring out my smell, to make sure she never smelled it on him? I figured out a way to trick her! I am very happy. What I did was, I rubbed a wash cloth all over me really hard, including on top of my head and under my arms, and then I got that wet and squeezed it into a spray bottle! That way my smells went into the spray bottle. Next, I put a pile of almonds out in the yard by their nest and sprayed my Philippe water all over them! Now she will think of my smell as a good smell of a man who can provide for his family. Just have to wait and see!

xoxox-o!
Philippe!

Franky's mom is causing trouble.

2005-10-17T10:55:00.000-07:00

Franky's mom is causing trouble around the house. I know that she is his mom, but he is also my son, and we need to learn to cooperate.

Just today when I was out in the back yard getting big pieces of grass to lay by a bowl of water (no-cost Japanese garden!) Franky's mom landed on the fence and stared at me. I smiled and waved because we are family, but she just kept staring. When I was done getting pieces of grass and went inside, she flew down and smelled all around the area where I had been. Oooh, that made me so mad! It was like she was trying to get my scent so that if she ever smelled it on Franky she would...oh, you know.

I wish I didn't have to say this, but I do not like Franky's mom!

I got Franky a fire engine!

2005-10-10T21:04:00.000-07:00

I got Franky a little toy fire engine! There was a toy fire engine on the shelves in the garage, in with all the Christmas decorations, and so I am saving it for Franky. I dusted it off so that he will not get sneezes, and I made sure that no tinsel was wrapped around the axels in case he would choke on that. I will give it to him when he is a little older, old enough so that if I get my smells on him his mama bird won't...you know.

Someday we'll play, Franky! I love you, son.

Your Dad,
Philippe!

My son Franky.

2005-09-29T18:31:00.000-07:00

Franky is doing good this week. His mom feeds him little up-chucks [no other way to say it! :) ] from her mouth and he is wonderful. His feathers are coming in real light and gray, and he looks like a wonderful old camping sock. He is kind of my son!

I can't play with him right now but I did leave a piece of turkey pastrami out in the yard yesterday, since I figure a bird can eat turkey, it won't be bad. His mom ate the pastrami, and then did little up-chucks into his mouth. I am taking care of Franky!

Phew! ,
Philippe.

A baby bird! Hooray!

2005-09-22T10:47:00.000-07:00

A baby bird! Hooray!

Oh, I guess I should explain. There is a new baby bird in a nest outside of the living room window, and Lyle said that I could have it! He said it was very important that I did not get my smells on it though, because if the mama bird thinks the baby bird has smells outside of the family on it, she will...well, I don't want to think about that again. Anyhow, I have a baby bird, but I can't play with it, so I will just think good thoughts about it and name it Franky.

I kind of have a son named Franky!

Aquarium visit. Sort of.

2005-09-09T16:50:00.000-07:00

Téodor said that Pat had a really fancy aquarium with all kinds of rare fish in it, even some blue ones that glowed in the dark, and he said I probably could go visit it! I said Yes Please! and he called Pat. Pat got kind of mad (I guess he was busy) but he agreed we could come over after Téodor filled out some insurance forms. Hooray!

When we got to Pat's house he had a fancy red suit jacket on and a black tie and a white captain's cap! He was extremely strict so I got on my best behavior and made sure that I held Téodor's hand the whole time. One by one he showed us his different kinds of fish, and they had some funny names! They had names like Glopogorpus Biggaligaboo (?) and I was almost laughing as he said them! I could tell I was not supposed to laugh while in Pat's house though so I held it in.

After a pretty long time of Pat naming all the fish in the tank, Téodor seemed kind of bored and I was too. Téodor elbowed me softly in the ribs, to get my attention, and then asked Pat what the "Latin" term for the bubbling treasure chest was. Pat thought for a second but then got extremely mad and said that we both had to leave! He actually crossed his arms and butted us out of the house! It felt kind of bad to get touched by Pat, like a statue was mad at you and came to life, and it was scary. When we left I was glad.

Nothing good lasts forever...

2005-08-28T16:17:00.000-07:00

I got up this morning to play Bobsled Practice in the big plaster shoe but Chris was loading it into the back of his mom's truck! He shrugged his shoulders and he was apologizing but it looked like his mom was mad at him, so I didn't bother him when he came back in the house. I was still pretty sad though, and maybe we will talk about it later.

They say that nothing good lasts forever, but what about bad things, like having your favorite toy taken away? Is that forever? Oh well, I shouldn't be a Gropey Gus. I still have these fancy new tennis shoes, and today is cream cheese on Ritz day (Téodor said so)! Maybe I will pretend that I am a professor.

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe!

2005-08-08T00:30:00.000-07:00

My mom sent me new shoes last week! They are so nice! They are pure white with a little green line around the top of the rubber bottom part, and they look like what a rich person wears to play in a tennis game! I practiced doing some foot-work like a tennis player would need to practice, and they (the shoes) made these great little squeaks like you hear when basketball players jump around on TV! I felt like I was getting a pretty good workout so I took five with a water bottle on the couch!

Then the coolest thing happened. Chris came home and he had this great big plaster model of a shoe, which he said his mom had given him. He wasn't very happy about it so he set it down right in the entry to the house and went off to the kitchen to drink some water. I fit perfectly into the shoe, and it was like one of those fancy bobsleds they use at the winter Olympics! Since I had my new shoes on I felt SUPER sporty and I used my imagination for a really long time, pretending I was winning all kinds of races and Italian people and German people all took me into their hearts as a true champion. In my imagination, everybody respected me, and treated me as a friend. It was the best afternoon since I can remember!

No More Haikus!

2005-07-27T10:16:00.000-07:00

It is so weird! A couple of days ago Chris said that he could not pay me to write poems anymore, because of a problem, and just like that I stopped writing down everything as 5-7-5! Ever since I wrote to you last time, a couple weeks ago, I had been having real bad problems with everything I wrote being a haiku. I was hiding my haikus under lots of nasty stuff in the garbage, and in the rafters in the garage, and also burying them in the yard during Prime Time TV. During a bad moment I also put a haiku on some mud and hit it with a baseball bat until you couldn't read it anymore. It was getting really scary.

Now though I can write whatever I want! Watch:

Boneless skinless chicken breast

Sitting in the fridge

Piece of parsley is his friend!

There, see! Hooray! Problem solved!

Didn't write any more haikus...yet.

2005-07-09T11:15:00.000-07:00

I have been trying not to write things down lately, because I am afraid they will be haikus. I think I saw a movie where a man had supernatural powers, kind of like this, and the government took him away and his family never got to see him ever again. They used him as a secret spy because of his abilities! I do not ever want this to happen to me.

Oh, Mr. Bear is here and he says he will make us sandwiches! Oh boy! What to get on my sandwich? I love inventing sandwich combinations! Let's see:

Pastrami and swiss...
Salami and cheddar cheese...
Bacon and mayo...

...uh oh.

Whoops, wrote another haiku!

2005-07-02T16:43:00.000-07:00

Boy, you'd think I wouldn't write any more haiku since I am tired of them, but today I was taking some notes during a show about how to make a painting and I accidentally wrote them down as a haiku!

- * -

Soft colors recede
Bright and dense colors advance
Make trees happy trees

- * -

Creepy, huh! I hope this doesn't keep happening, or it they might need to take me to run some tests.

Oh well, I love you!

I am tired of poems!

2005-06-18T06:03:00.000-07:00

Boy, every time I sit down at the computer anymore I think I have to write a haiku! It makes it no fun to go to the computer. A computer should be a fun place to be! After all, think how much time people spent trying to make computers fun (hours). I wrote a poem about how I miss using the computer for fun.

- * -

Apple Macintosh
Windows Computer XP
Use them to have fun!

- * -

Okay, time for waffles! Mr. Bear is cooking me waffles today because he is up and he is super wonderful!

I thought of another haiku!

2005-06-09T10:49:00.000-07:00

Trees can't go dancing
So do them a big favor
Pretend dancing stinks!

Today Chris was cooking "full english fry up" for himself and said that I could have a small bit of each part of it! I liked: the egg white, the hash brown corner, the three beans, the griddled mushroom, the tip of bacon, and the edge of toast. I did not like: the end of black pudding. I kept it in my cheek until he went to check the computer, and then I spat it out for the dog. She licked all around and left no evidence. It tasted like eating a penny!

Oops!

2005-06-01T20:43:00.000-07:00

Oops! I guess I didn't write a haiku poem last time! Sorry everybody. Chris said it was more just a basic rhyme, and not a haiku. He said I should try again, though, since a haiku poem is a really good kind of a poem. 5-7-5. That is the secret to a perfect haiku.

Okay. Here is my haiku:

The fire engine
Went to a birthday party
For the ambulance

Hooray!

I wrote another poem!

2005-05-26T13:06:00.000-07:00

Hooray! Chris said I wrote an important kind of poem called a Haiku! A Haiku is 5-7-5, and this way of writing a poem makes listeners feel very good. I guess it is pretty rare to write a Haiku on accident, so maybe I am all-right at this! I'm sorry, I don't want to brag. I will just include my next poem, which I also hope is a Haiku. It is about what might happen on an exciting day in the back yard!

- * -

A Day In The Back Yard!

Read a book,
see a snake!
Run away,
from the snake!

See a bird?
Throw some bread!
Hit the bird?
He is dead!

Time for lunch!
Run inside.
Milky Ways
& su-i-cide!*

- * -

* a "Suicide" is when you can mix a lot of types of soda together, like Coke and Sunkist and Mountain Dew and Lemon Barrel Lemonade and root beer and Hawaiian Punch and Cherry Coke and 7up and Grape Fanta (or also Grape Sunkist) and Pepsi Tab Dr. Pepper Sierra Mist Squirt Sprite Diet SpriteHansensC2RCgingeralefresca [BUFFER FULL SESSION IS NOW READ-ONLY]

Poem!

2005-05-19T13:26:00.000-07:00

Hooray! Chris said that he would give me fifty cents and a grape if I would write a poem today!

I was not sure what to write a poem about but after a little thinking I decided I would write a poem about fish.

Here is my poem!

- * -

THE FISH

The fish doesn't blink
He holds still in the water
He has health problems.

- * -

A lot of times it is easy to tell that a fish has health problems. If you agree to help fish with health problems, you can do a lot of good! From just community involvement to working with major companies to clean up coastlines, you can make a difference. Call the volunteers at PESCO-INTL today. Or look for them on-line.

Philippe.

Bath Day!

2005-05-01T22:39:00.000-07:00

Chris said it was Bath Day today! First they put the baby into the sink in her little softy-seat and they rinsed her real nice with warm water and real gentle shampoo. After that Chris got her dry-off towel out of the dryer so it was nice and toasty hot and they wrapped her up and went to put her jammies on! I got undressed next and sat in the nice warm softy-seat and waited my turn. They took a long time getting the baby ready and the water started to cool off so I turned the hot water faucet on just a little bit to keep me warm. I sang some songs and I was in a good mood.

After another long time they still did not come in and pretty soon I heard some snoring from the other room, plus the squeaks the baby makes when she sleeps. They had all gone to bed!

I have never felt so dumb. I was super ashamed that I thought I was going to get a bath too. I crawled quietly out of the sink so that no one would realize what I did, only I fell really hard onto the floor (because of soap slipperiness) and my shoulder is sore now. Fortunately nobody heard me and I went and dried off with the only thing I could find, which was a kitchen towel that smelled like onions and peanut butter (in different places).

Today was not a good day for me. I should act my age. I am extremely ashamed of what I thought.

Nobody died.

2005-04-25T05:03:00.000-07:00

Phew! I told Téodor how I had read in the newspaperthat a person had been carried out of the Buena Vista Arms with no sirens, and he said that place is a "Jerry-Attic" and that you can't get too worried when the ambulance goes there. It's nice to know I don't have to worry about it any more! I guess the person was fine.

It's Monday! They are doing historical helicopters at the airport across the highway and Mr. Bear let me borrow his binoculars so that I could see them. So that; I could see them!

That is a semi-colon!

Love,
Philippe!

I think a person died!

2005-04-18T06:07:00.000-07:00

I am not usually supposed to leave the house, but today it was pretty muggy and around 5am before the sun was up I snuck out for a little walk around the neighborhood. I know I am not supposed to do this, but lately I have felt pretty cooped up! I don't know what it is.

Anyhow, I walked down three streets and over two, then turned around one hundred eighty degrees and walked back. When I was getting pretty near home I heard a real loud siren, so I ducked into some bushes and hoped that no one had seen me.

The siren was from an ambulance, and it stopped across the street from where I was hiding. It stopped at the Buena Vista Arms, a big apartment building. Three men got out and ran up some stairs to an apartment. They were in there for a little while and then they came back down with a body on their stretcher. It was all wrapped in white, and when they drove away they did not use sirens, and actually they did not use turn signals either but I think I will not report that. I think that if they did not use sirens that means they found a dead body. Otherwise why would they cover its face and not act like an emergency?

I'm not really sure what to do about this. I want to tell somebody so I can figure out of the person was dead or not, but I don't want to get in trouble for sneaking out on a secret walk. Maybe I will use the Internet to see what dead bodies look like.

Téodor is extra-mad at me.

2005-04-07T20:34:00.000-07:00

I guess last time I wrote I said that Téodor was mad at me because I accidentally shredded some guitar music that he wrote. Well, you're not gonna believe this, but I made him even MORE mad at me. And I did it while trying to help him! Boy, sometimes I think I should just not try to help anybody and maybe move away.

Like I said, I was going to make his bed for free because I was sorry about the music. I went in to make his bed and when I was tucking the flat sheet under the mattress (Mom always taught me how to make a proper bed!) I felt something funny. Since I figured it was a soda can or something I pulled it out to throw it away. It was this weird rubber thing that looked kind of like a flashlight, but at the light bulb end it had this weird pink smile-type shape, with a hole in the middle! It looked like two string beans that were pretty close together and you could barely see the hole. It didn't look like Lyle's marijuana-heating device. Crazy! You learn something new every day, I guess.

After I got done making the bed I left it on his desk with a little note that said "Sorry, don't know what this is! —Philippe!" and went to watch Emeril. A little while later he got back from downtown and he called me into his room to speak in Private. He said he was So Mad at me and that I could Never go in his room again! He said he doesn't like Snoopers and that I had to learn that people just want privacy.

Tonight I am remembering his words and taking them to heart. I am so sorry, Téodor. I only wanted to help you have good sleep. In the future I will not Pry.

Hosey the Flow Cow!

2005-04-02T01:11:00.000-08:00

Mr. Bear made a home-made version of Hosey the Flow Cow! It doesn't look nice like the one on TV, but it still does a good job of watering his garden. And plus he hooked up a little shredding machine to it, and it rocks back and forth and shreds stuff as long as the hose is running!

He told me to be real careful around the shredding part, since it has a lot of sharp blades. I am definitely glad he gave me that advice. Still though I wanted to see if I could shred something, and I found a piece of paper on the picnic table that is on the deck that had lots of scribbles on it. I put it in the shredder and it got shredded up real good! Then all the little shreds fell into the little fire that Todd made beneath it so he could light his cigarettes.

Téodor got pretty mad because I guess that paper was some special guitar music that he wrote. It sure didn't look like music. He said he worked on it for a long time and wasn't sure if he would remember all the notes to write down again. I feel really bad about this and want to make it up to him. I think maybe the perfect thing to do is to make his bed, since he never makes his bed and it is so nice to go to sleep in a nice, made bed. I will make Téodor's bed tomorrow! Maybe I should even make him a gift certificate for a month of free made beds!

There is a new baby at our house!

2005-03-22T17:47:00.000-08:00

There is a new baby at our house! It is Chris and Liz's baby! It is so exciting! When they were at the hospital getting the baby I set up a little surprise in the new nursery. I tied a string to the switch on my little tape player and tied the other end to the doorknob, so that when they opened the door the tape would start playing! I set the tape up to play Rainbow Connection by Kermit the Frog, which is a very good song for babies because it is not too fast.

The string and doorknob and tape thing didn't end up working, but Chris did put the radio back by my bed and said he wasn't mad but could I please be careful when setting stuff up in the nursery because he might trip over it. I have to learn to be pretty careful around the baby. If they ever let me hold it, I will make extra sure to be careful with the neck, because a baby's neck is very floppy, like if you just tried to hold a trout straight up by its tail.

I heard a good band to listen to!

2005-03-11T11:55:00.000-08:00

Téodor let me borrow a good new CD that he likes and it is a lot of fun! It is a French lady singing and it reminds me of when I was very small and Mom and Dad would speak in French so I wouldn't know what they were saying. The band is called Stereo Total! All of their songs are just about fun and they have really fun drums and a lady singer. It is like They Might Be Giants only not as creative. But they still have fun sound effects, don't worry! You will like this band if you can hear their songs that they play.

I am out of Trouble!

2005-02-25T12:36:00.000-08:00

Today after Gomer Pyle Mr. Bear walked into the living room and I asked him if I was still in Trouble. It was not easy to ask because he could still have been mad at me, but I wanted to be sure. He thought for a minute but then he said that he didn't think I was in Trouble anymore! That was a big relief, I can tell you. To celebrate I ate a devil egg off of a plate in the fridge, and had a big glass of Welch's. Hooray!

I am in Trouble again!

2005-02-18T13:13:00.000-08:00

I don't know how come I am always in Trouble! Mr. Bear has caught me twice and decided that I am in Trouble. The first time was because Click Robot burned cuss words onto me and Mr. Bear saw them. The second time was because I said some words that Lyle said to me. Mr. Bear got so mad when he heard those words! What do they mean? I wish I was not in Trouble! When I get in Trouble first it gets really hard to breathe, and I want to hide, and then it feels like I have needles in my eyes and I have to cry to get them out.

I hate being in Trouble! I wish no one was mad at me! I'm so sorry!

There is no talking to Lyle.

2005-01-26T13:48:00.000-08:00

That much is for sure. After he ate my Number 8 Dale Jr. Chevy Matchbox and then threw it up and most of the paint came off of it, he said he didn't know anything about it! Téodor said Lyle might act this way. He explained about how when adults drink all kinds of cocktails they sometimes do things they regret but don't remember.

The more I learn about stuff adults get to do but that kids can't do, the more I don't want to be an adult. Adults drink dangerous cocktails like what a villain would secretly make James Bond drink, and they have to pay Car Tax (Chris is always mad about this), and when there is a problem they have to fix it or they can be arrested.

Oh, it's two o'clock! I am going to sit on the sunny part of the deck. Bye! I love you!

I need advice.

2005-01-19T13:40:00.000-08:00

Chris was putting all the stuff from the dishwasher away, so I went in to help him. He always lets me sort all the silverware from the washer-basket into the drawer, so it's kind of my job, and I do it pretty good. Instead of an allowance he says that this summer he will make me some popsicles using Grape Juice! He knows that that is my favorite juice, after apple and cranberry.

Then a weird thing happened! I was putting away the spoons (there are two kinds of spoons: larger ones, which go on the left side, and regular ones, which go next to that) when I saw my Number 8 Dale Jr. Chevy Matchbox in the washer-basket! Most of the paint had come off! I was so mad I almost cried, and Chris asked me how come I was almost crying. I showed him the car and he said that Lyle ate it and then threw it up, so he decided to wash it off for me.

I am very upset with Lyle. I think I might see if I can ask him for a new one. I will ask Téodor if this is what to do, because he is honest and he will always tell you the right thing to do.

I need to admit that I did a bad job.

2005-01-14T21:57:00.000-08:00

That's what Téodor said when he saw how I behaved after I got to eat my first bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

I wanted to be so careful and prove that I was ready to handle sugar cereal, but I guess really I was not. I am very ashamed of what I did. I did not do a good job of handling myself. Téodor is right.

I don't want to talk about what I did. It was bad. But I guess the only way to get better is to confess. Okay, here is my confession. Remember, I am not proud of what I did, when I jumped all around the house after eating the cereal and I acted like the whole place was my own personal rumpus room.

I...I jumped up on the couch and I said the S word.

I am getting older now so I can have sugar cereal.

2005-01-04T05:57:00.000-08:00

Téodor says that since it is a new year and I am a little older, he thinks I can have sugar cereal once in a while. I know that this is a big responsibility and that I need to take it slow. I asked Téodor what a good sugar cereal to start with is and he said I should try Honey Bunches of Oats. It is a cereal that is on the border between super healthy and a little sugary, so it is just right for me. I only want to do the right thing, so I am being really careful after I eat it not to act silly or get out of Hand. So far I have been pretty lucky and it has been easy to behave. Téodor says that once I have finished the box of Honey Bunches of Oats I can move on to Cinnamon Toast Crunch, which is almost completely a sugar cereal. I hope that I am ready when that time comes. I only want to do the right thing.

More about the new neighbors! (Warning: may be shocking)

2004-12-19T02:35:00.000-08:00

There are some pretty weird people next door! I saw that one of the ladies had tattoos completely all over her whole back. If you get tattoos over such a big area then that is pretty bad, because you can't hide something like that from your parents and they will find out. Plus her hair was dyed bright red and if your parents see that they are pretty sure to get mad at you and start asking if you have done any other funny things to your body. Then they would see the tattoos and you would be in pretty bad trouble. I guess this girl's parents had passed away already.

Anyhow, I just woke up and they are still having a big Saturday night party next door. I think I heard Téodor's voice over there. Maybe he was trying to get them to be quiet.

I am not sure if I like the new neighbors.

2004-12-12T18:55:00.000-08:00

Last night the new neighbors had a big party and all kinds of people came and parked on the lawn and up and down the street. I could smell the smoke of the drugs that Lyle uses, and there was loud music until super early in the morning. Most of the women wore really small shiny swimsuit tops, and some of the pony-tail guys had more of those big video cameras like I saw yesterday. Maybe they were having a diving contest, I heard a lot of splashing in the pool and cheering. I heard Chris talking to Téodor about "convertible Mustangs," which I guess is the kind of car most of the people at the party had. That's weird, maybe they are all members of a car club. Oh well, time for bed. Most of the people next door are still asleep!

The new neighbors are kind of weird!

2004-12-11T15:41:00.000-08:00

We had lots of new people move in next door today, about maybe six total. I watched them through the window. All of the women are kind of big in the body, but all of the men are really super skinny. It's like Jack Sprat! They have all kinds of stickers about bands on their cars. Earlier today one of them had a big video camera out and he was going to take a video of me but I closed the door really quick. I don't like them. A lot of the guys have pony tails, and they always wear sunglasses, even though it is December.

More Christmas List Ideas!

2004-12-04T18:53:00.000-08:00

1. A parachute man! One of those little men who has a cello fane parachute and you throw him up in the air and he glides down. That would be so fun.

2. A model boat. I think I am finally old enough to try to build one. I would like an army ship, with turrets and decals and the whole works! I promise to be careful with the x-acto knife, Jesus.

3. The Lil' Oinker Pork Products set of gift food! This is a food basket that has all kinds of cheeses and pork! There is a pork summer sausage, two kinds of bacon, two small hams packed in metal, spiced sausages, smoked "luau" pork, and a little plastic snout with an elastic string so you can wear it!

Okay, time for bed!

I am sorry that I did not blog!

2004-12-03T18:41:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry! I have been so busy, plus I forgot my password (otterbUtter) so I could not log in.

My life has been pretty good. Poor Mr. Bear got hurt and had to go to the hospital, but we supported him a lot and pretty soon he was able to come home again. This accident made it even more clear that we should not have guns. Only the police and army men should have guns, but even then they should almost never use them.

Téodor made his special meat sauce spaghetti tonight! It tasted great, and I am going to bed!

Christmas List!

2004-11-17T03:14:00.000-08:00

Oh boy! It is time to make my Christmas list again! I am always so excited around this time. I am going to give a copy to my Mom, and Téodor, and Mr. Bear, and Ray, and Roast Beef, and to Chris!

This is some of the stuff I want this year!

1. Tyco trigger-car race track with 25 interchangeable track sections.

2. Mr. Carpenter: a small sawmill that cuts tongue-depressor size boards into whatever shape you want! You can make a ship or a house or whatever! Glue included.

3. Bathroom spray plus bathroom candle. Lyle is getting pretty bad lately.

Love,
Philippe!

Bad lunch.

2004-11-10T15:40:00.000-08:00

For lunch today I asked Téodor to make me Taquitos, which are a crispy little tortilla rolled around tasty beef. There is a big bag of them in the freezer and you can heat them up on a baking sheet in the oven. He said that was not a very good lunch but that he would make it for me if I really wanted. I did really want that so he baked them, but then he played a trick on me. When the Taquitos were all done cooking, he put them all on a plate, but then he took one of them and unrolled it and let the beef fall out in the middle of a different plate all by itself. Then he gave me that one plate and said that if I could eat the alone beef, then I could have the rest. I would have eaten it but he pointed out how the beef looked like something you would find in a litterbox and could I imagine it coming out of a cat's butt.

I imagined that and then I didn't want to eat any of them. Instead, I went and practiced riding my tricycle as close to the edge of the patio as I could without falling into the grass.

I am not president.

2004-11-08T01:07:00.000-08:00

Téodor told me the truth about what happened when everybody voted. I am not sad, because he explained about how presidents have to be at least thirty-five and they have to be married. No wonder everybody didn't vote for me! They would have gotten arrested! Thank you to Téodor for explaining that. I'm glad *I* didn't get arrested! Phew.

I went to Ray's house to apologize for not winning and he said that it was not a big deal, and then something about "tax write offs"? He was kind of busy watching his TV shows so I didn't ask him what that meant.

Anyhow, I guess it is pretty good to be off the campaign trail. I don't have to wear uncomfortable shirts any more and think about different country relationships and all that hard stuff. Téodor said he would make me coconut-chocolate chip pancakes tomorrow with caramel bananas and maple syrup! I bet the president doesn't even get a breakfast that good!!

I love you.

The rain is back!

2004-10-28T13:34:00.000-07:00

Hooray! I missed the rain. It smells so good after it rains, and there are lots of puddles to sail walnut shell boats in. I am going to hope that someone eats some walnuts soon so I can save the shells and make them into boats.

Here is a little secret Téodor taught me on how to make a cool walnut shell boat! If you glue little lead fishing sinkers to the bottom with Elmer's glue, the boat has a "keel" and is more balanced! This way you can melt some wax into the bottom of the inside and stand a birthday candle up in it like a mast. Then you can light the candle! I am going to do this tonight before bed.

A Cockroach!

2004-10-23T01:28:00.000-07:00

I saw a cockroach run under the kitchen cabinet! It was so horrible! Lyle told me that if you are sound asleep, they spit on you and their spit makes your skin numb, and they can eat you without you waking up! He also said that roach babies are born pregnant! I am so worried. I might need to sleep in Chris and Liz's bed tonight. I will ask him if I can. My bed is right on the floor and a roach could crawl right up the sheets and start spitting on me.

Boston!

2004-10-18T01:40:00.000-07:00

Oh boy! Chris said that since I was so sad and mad about not getting to be in the debate, he would take me to Boston so I could see John Kerry and tell him how I felt! I was pretty excited when we got on the plane for a night flight, and after most of the people went to sleep he let me out of his bag to make Notes about the things I wanted to say.

The first day we mostly did fun stuff that Chris wanted to do, like eat lobster rolls and visit an old sailing ship. Then the next day he said we could go and talk to John Kerry. Actually, he said that I could go talk to John Kerry, because he and Liz had to go to a wedding somewhere. They put on their fancy clothes and shoes and got into a taxi, but real quick as they were leaving Chris gave me a little home-made map with John Kerry's house on it, and it was only a couple streets away from where we were staying!

I looked over my Notes again and once it got dark I decided to get going. I know adults aren't supposed to see us, but it is different when it is like this. I knew that I had important stuff to say, like about smoking and people who make fun of kids who cut the cheese. I put on a tie, my nice one with stripes, and jumped out a window.

Our guest house was on Charles Street, and so I followed the map a couple streets up "Beacon Hill" until I saw John Kerry's house. The lights were on, but there were lots of black trucks and vans parked all around, and lots of guys dressed like Men In Black. They were not looking at the ground, though, so I could sneak up pretty close to the door and hide in the bushes by the little front stairs.

I guessed that my best plan was to keep hiding there until John Kerry came out to get into one of the black cars, and when he was alone in the back of the car I would jump in just before the door closed. The plan was kind of brave, but I think that if you want to be President then you have to be kind of brave sometimes.

It got kind of boring so I made up a game of using a stick to dig up dirt around the plants that were getting watered by the sprinkler system, so it would make a little river. I would put little nut shell boats into the river, from the nut shells the security guards were always spitting into the bushes (so rude!).

I guess I kind of started to take a nap because the next thing I knew a different sprinkler set was going and I was getting soaked! The problem was, I couldn't jump out of the bushes because it was morning and lots of people were on the sidewalk! Oh, and can you believe this, John Kerry was leaving the house and getting into his black car! I had to wait in the bushes with the sprinklers spraying on me, and it was very cold. I was just starting to get the shudders when one of the guards poured his hot coffee down into the bushes and all over my head, which made me pretty nice and warm. Right about then the sprinklers went off for good and I was able to fall asleep for a while until everybody left. Can you believe that I tripped over a loose brick on my way home! The sidewalks are pretty bad there.

I may not have gotten to talk to John Kerry about my problems this time, but you can bet I will be back. There are only a few days left before election and I need to make sure the little guy gets heard. OK, I need to go eat a hot dinner, Chris says. He is making broccoli soup and hot cheesy toast. Hooray!

Sometimes you just need to be mad.

2004-10-13T19:43:00.000-07:00

I saw on TV today that the Democrats and the Republicans got a show where they could say their opinions to the whole world. No one invited me, though, because I am the little guy. I don't want to make anybody mad, but I think that I am kind of angry. The little guy should get to say what he thinks. I don't know most of the facts that George Bush and John Kerry used, but I still care about everybody and I want everybody to be happy. Even if you are a star football player, or a gramma who just needs help, I want you to have a good life.

I love you.

Magic Rocks!

2004-10-07T14:58:00.000-07:00

Chris came home from the costume shop and he got me a package of Magic Rocks! They are this kit you use to grow all kinds of different colors of crystals in a glass jar! They look like the spiky rocks you see in pictures of caves! He couldn't help me set them up right away because he had to go to his poker game, so I am sitting on pins and needles until he gets back! Oh boy oh boy oh boy!

Gross!

2004-10-06T14:31:00.000-07:00

I just saw the inside of an elephant's mouth on TV! It was super-gross! I don't know what it reminded me of.

No one was around today so I had to make lunch for my self. I got my favorite yellow Tupperware plate, the one with two different areas, and in one area I rolled three slices of baloney up real tight like hot dogs. In the other area I put a bunch of chocolate chips. It was a pretty good flavor combination.

Where is everybody?

A scared man pooped in our yard!

2004-10-02T13:21:00.000-07:00

Lyle is so mean! One of his old movie-making friends who he hates now was pooping in our yard, and when I told Lyle he shot a gun at him! The man got so scared! I am against guns, and also yard potties (unless it is an emergency).

Captain Kirk Toothpaste

2004-09-28T16:56:00.000-07:00

Don't tell! I snuck into the bathroom to brush my teeth with the neat clear Captain Kirk toothpaste that I found hidden in Chris and Liz's bed frame. It is super-slippery and your toothbrush just goes all over the place! I guess it helps you to use less muscles when you brush your teeth. I better ask Téodor to get a new tube, because I used most of it trying to get my teeth clean tonight.

Vacation week!

2004-09-27T01:43:00.000-07:00

I got to have a week off from doing stuff for Chris! He and Liz took a vacation to Hawaii and he said I could just hang out and I didn't have to make my bed or anything (I still made it immediately as soon as I got up in the morning, though). When they left I saw that they did not make their bed and so I went in to get it all neat for when they returned. When I was tucking in their sheets I found some pretty weird stuff! Inside the bed frame there was this big tube of clear toothpaste, like Captain Kirk would use, and also little packages like square ketchups, called "Kimono Sensation 11"! On Wednesday Téodor made me a baloney sandwich and I tried to squirt some Kimono Sensation 11 sauce on it, but he grabbed it from me and said it was not for kids. Maybe it is really spicy. I am not too good with spicy foods. I usually need Privacy after I eat too spicy of stuff.

No Smoking!

2004-09-09T15:55:00.000-07:00

Chris's Italian friend Tony came over to help him do some stuff, and they Smoked! I am not sure I like Tony. He gave Chris a cigarette and Chris gave in to peer pressure and he smoked the cigarette. When he was done he spit on it to put the flames out. It seemed like he had experience with smoking. This is not very good. I watched from the laundry room window.

I might have to erase Tony's phone number from the dry erase board. I want Chris to have a good life!

Mr. Beer!

2004-09-06T15:26:00.000-07:00

Téodor got a beer making set from his dad! It was so fun. The first couple days were just mainly cooking and temperatures and stuff, but today was the day when he let everybody taste the new beer! He baked big soft pretzels, sausages, sour crout, and all kinds of other German food. He even wore a hat! It was a lot of fun when he let Ray judge the first glass of his beer and Ray said that it tasted good. I clapped and other people did too. It was like when someone cuts the ribbon in front of a new building. I was glad to be a part of history today.

More frogs!

2004-09-02T06:28:00.000-07:00

Oh, I almost forgot to say this to you yesterday! Ray came over to do more frog jumps, and he brought his own frog this time. It was a special Japanese frog, he said, that he had sent from Japan overnight. I didn't have any more frogs since the lawn had dried out, so we went down to the creek. I caught a little frog and we went back to the yard and did some frog jumping contests.

I have a hundred more dollars now! I have a hundred and fifty dollars.

Ray's special Japanese frog died after the third jump. It was a very sad moment. I said a little prayer and we buried it under the lemon tree. Ray dug the hole using his credit card as a shovel. When we put the little frog in the hole I crossed his arms across his chest like you are supposed to do. I also tried to pull his legs straight down so they would be together but I heard two snaps and I knew I had broken them! I started to cry and pushed all the dirt real fast back down over the frog. Ray was smoking and he didn't notice what I did. It took me a few minutes to get OK again.

After that we went to Ray's house and Ray said I could have anything I wanted to eat. I was still sad about the frog so I just had some peanut butter Ritz.

I have fifty dollars!

2004-08-31T17:21:00.000-07:00

Téodor left the sprinklers on too long last night so today there were some frogs in the yard! I called Ray and asked if he wanted to come over and see them and he said OK. He looked at this one big frog and said "Philippe, I bet that frog can jump the furthest of any of them." I looked for the smallest frog to bet on, because smaller frogs can jump way longer than big frogs. Next we set the frogs up behind a twig and my frog jumped way longer than his! Then Ray shook my hand, except instead of a normal handshake this handshake had a fifty dollar bill in it! He chuckled and patted me on the head and said he had to do some things at home, but that he had had a good time. I have fifty dollars!

Boy, is it hard to be good!

2004-08-29T15:24:00.000-07:00

I thought I had gotten rid of all the Judas Priest CDs, but then Todd found them in the trash and sold them back to Chris! Jeez! Now if I throw them away again Chris will lose even MORE money, and he will be MORE mad! Maybe I should never have thrown the CDs away in the first place. Sometimes it is hard to know what is a Sin and what is a Good Deed. I wish I could have a little chart.

Maybe I will make one! Here is what I know I can start with:

Throw away Chris's CDs: a SIN
Throw away garbage: a GOOD DEED
Eat Chex Mix: (is this a GOOD DEED, or is it NEUTRAL?)
Smoking: a SIN

Good news!

2004-08-27T17:53:00.000-07:00

Today Liz yelled at Chris for liking Judas Priest! They had a private talk and then Chris watered the front yard for an hour and a half, except when he came in he was really clumsy and he went to bed. I did him a favor and put all his Judas Priest CDs in the kitchen garbage bag. I am glad that I could help with their marriage.

Judas Priest.

2004-08-23T14:41:00.000-07:00

Chris played me some Judas Priest songs and they are really not anything like Priests on Tape. They are "heavy metal," like motorcycle people listen to, and mostly their songs are about demons and breaking the law. I am not OK with that kind of music, so I asked him not to play it when I am around. I am OK about most things but sometimes I need to let him know that I am just a kid. He was OK about not playing Judas Priest when I am around. I will pray for Chris to stop liking Judas Priest tonight when I go to bed.

Good morning!

2004-08-22T02:17:00.000-07:00

It's Sunday! On Sunday I like to wake up a little bit early and pray and do some good deeds. After I prayed today (I prayed that my dad could still be alive, and also that there would be no more poor people) I dusted all the book shelves and Chris's stereo stuff, which always gets so dusty. I accidentally pressed down on the "play" button on the CD player though, and the little screen said JUDAS PRIEST in calculator letters. Then a few seconds later heavy rock music started to play real loud and Chris came out and yelled at me! He said he was glad that I wanted to hear Judas Priest but could I please do it in about ten more hours. Maybe we are going to listen to it together, since it is Sunday? I guess it is like Priests on Tape like my mom sends me once in a while. Cool! I am excited!

I have Olympic Fever!

2004-08-18T18:19:00.000-07:00

We don't have any gymnastics stuff or running hurdles around the house so I made up some new events I could do! First, I put a couch cushion on the floor and I jump as high as I can off the couch and onto it. Second, I run in place for five minutes. Third, I do a summersalt in one direction then I turn around and do one back and try to finish in the exact same place. Fourth, I play the "C" scale on my piano, then stand up and knock the bench over like Ray showed me how to do. That is the last event. I call it the Boy's Medley!

Bye!

President stuff.

2004-08-16T14:20:00.000-07:00

Téodor and me did some President stuff today. We thought of a new slogan! He said it was important to use words like "Future" and "Today" so I said how about, "Hooray! It's TODAY!" Isn't that a perfect slogan? It shows that I have a good attitude and that Today is always a great time to be excited about. He is having some posters made by a printer now.

New trash can!

2004-08-11T14:37:00.000-07:00

Chris came back from the store today and he got me a new trash can! He took it out to his shop and attached some nice cloth straps to it (I think he used some cut-apart dish towels) so I can wear it as a backpack! He said I can keep it by my bed or wear it around with me, and whenever I have a piece of trash, I can just toss it over my back! At the end of the day I am to empty it into the big trash can under the sink. Hooray!

No one should have guns!

2004-08-10T02:28:00.000-07:00

Guns are a pretty bad problem in the USA. They are usually pretty small and can be hidden in places like behind a license plate or under a book. I want you to know that if I am President, I will not have a gun. I will also not have throwing stars or num chucks. That sets a bad example.

Okay, now it's breakfast-time! Téodor is making me Mickey Mouse pancakes. He is using a half pineapple slice for the smile, blueberries for the eyes, and a blueberry for the nose. He is even making Redi-Whip eyebrows! Since Chris is asleep he said I can have a big glass of Strawberry Rite.

Gandhi!

2004-08-06T18:55:00.000-07:00

Last week I found some cut in half pipes and made a mini waterslide park around the roots of the old dead oak tree! I connected them with duck tape and made supports out of mud (I mixed the mud so that it would dry like cement). Today I went and looked at it and some cool weeds grew out of the mud. It looks really peaceful so I said it was Gandhi's waterslide! I set up the hose and pretended he was going down the waterslide sitting Indian-style. Chris let me have some of his Chow Fun for dinner.