"French Fries was the case they gave me."

(That is kind of a quote from a song that Ray plays in his car when he drives up to our house.)

I guess I'm just lucky, because whenever anybody goes out in the car to get fast food for the house, I usually get most of the french fries from all the meals! Lyle gets his big Ultimate Cheeseburger, and Téodor gets his Jumbo Jack, and Mr. Bear gets his coffee and toasted bun, and I always get almost all of their fries! They always eat one or two to be polite, but then they pretty much always ask me if I would like the rest. This is super-good because I never have any money ever to get a hamburger, but I still get to be with the gang. Boy are things good around here! Roast Beef is out in his white car right now getting McDonald's for everybody, and I can't wait for my fries! I don't want to have an ego but I am going to get my special fork out ahead of time so I can twirl the fries around it like spaghetti! This dish is called Spaghetti Philippo! French fries on a fork, twirled around. Love you XO

The Dog Got an Operation!

Chris's dog got an operation! She was peeing when she wasn't supposed to, and not peeing when she was supposed to, and when that happens Chris says a lot of mean things about dogs being more expensive than they are important. Dogs are important! They sit around and are cute and always have a good hug in them if you're in the dumps. If they have a problem and get thirty big stones in their bladder, well it's not like that was something they decided, because dogs can't make decisions! (They would be terrible in front of the big order board at McDonald's.)

She is better now, but she has a big scar up her middle that has twenty big metal staples. It looks pretty sucky, but she is being a real star about it. Téodor says she looks like something Trent Reznor would play football with (she is a dachshund dog, so her legs tuck up real tight next to her body). Roast Beef says she looks "hell of beat down by this whole way that it goes." Lyle said she looks "banged up." One thing is for sure...everybody is coming up with something to say lately. Love you!

x's and o's
Philippe

I got inspired by politics! AGAIN!

Today I saw a really important old politics speech on TV! It was by John F. Kennedy. John F. Kennedy said,

"Ask not what you can do for your country, ask what your country can do for you!"

Isn't that super? It is the question we all should be asking ourselves! Why can't the country do anything for us?! I saw that car gas is "twice" what it is supposed to be, and every single day a guy with a gun blows away six people at a Wendy's in Los Angeles! Plus, if you don't have health insurance, you have to go to the worst hospital in the area and wait for eight hours while a crazy guy in a gray trench coat wigs out! (ER)

Here is my list of things America can do for ME the next time it asks!

1) No more crazy guys. I don't mean you should lock them up and put away the key, but at least get them on a bus and take a vote about where everyone wants to go. Maybe have team jerseys to boost spirits! On the back, in a little arc, letters could spell C R A Z Y. Ball caps could help keep their hair tamed.

2) Close all of the Wendy's in Los Angeles. Gun sales will probably go to zero once gun buyers see that.

3) Shampoo might be cheaper than ball caps, actually. You know what? I bet if you gave most crazy guys a good shampoo and conditioning rinse, their hair would just look like regular baseball player hair! WAIT A MINUTE I JUST SOLVED HOMELESSNESS! Have Crazy League, where crazy guys travel the country and play each other! It will work perfectly, because if one of the crazy guys starts to act super crazy, the rest will be like, "COME ON ROGER WE MADE IT THIS FAR." Mr. Bear says this is called "group dynamics."

Ray is bummed out.

Ray came by today! Usually it is pretty great to see him, because he always has a little piece of candy for you, or wants to bet on who can drop a magazine the fastest (they say he is nice to let me win, but I watch, and I think I win on purpose), only today it was not great to see him. I mean, I cared about him, because he is my friend, but he made me sad. He was not himself.

He knocked on the door, then let himself in and walked through the house. No one was around but me. I asked if he would like to be Baked Potato Brothers, but he said he didn't want lunch and went out back. (I ate some Adam's Natural Peanut Butter from a jar Chris left by the furnace grate, don't worry.)

I don't like to sin, but I climbed up on the kitchen counter to see what he was doing on the back step. He was just sitting there! I watched for a little more and I saw him getting even more mad. This is what he said:

RAY: Jesus Christ. Who cares what shape America is. People are so used to god-damned [sorry!] AMERICA shape that they gonna send me email all god-damned [sorry!] day if America ain't the shape they familiar with. So WHAT if Florida don't get colored in no more? So WHAT if Florida is ocean color when I rule? THAT'S ASS [sorry!] AS HELL! [sorry!]

ME: [IN MY IMAGINATION] It's okay, Ray! America can be any shape you want, as long as you hold onto your dreams! Shucks! What's in a shape, anyway? Shapes are just how things look and seem!

RAY: Maybe I'll get a gmail account I can ignore. I don't know. How does a President even handle email. Probably has a bunch of folders set up, like by an aide.

He picked at one of his toenails after that, and then he went home. He was as unhappy when he came as when he left. I didn't do a good job helping, but I didn't get a lot of tries.

I said a hate word! Oh my gosh it is so terrible!

Oh my gosh I got in so much trouble! I didn't know it was a cuss, I swear! I was just repeating what I heard two guys next door say when they were working on their cars! The one guy in the white no-sleeves shirt said a "nigger" was "giving him hell" recently, and his car friend said he "wasn't surprised"! I would never have said that word if I knew it was bad! They said it first!

Everyone has been looking at me really meanly since I used this terrible word, and I cried six times so far. I didn't even use the bad word at anyone...I just said that since Cornelius hogged the bathroom all afternoon he was "being a real nigger."

Everyone started yelling at me immediately and I broke into tears! I didn't know, honest everybody! Even the nicest people in the house hate me now! I even heard that Ray's mom was "crest fallen" when she heard the news!

I wish I was dead. I am so horrible. I hope they get doctors to give me the operation that makes me idiotic.

My Christmas Presents!

I got the best Christmas presents! Oh my gosh everybody knew exactly what I would like! Here is a list of the stuff I got.

1. A History of Critters ("non-fiction")
2. Dinner on Snowflake Mountain (I think this is a "fiction," but a lot of it could have happened)
3. Hardened Hams and Blackened Yams (a little book about ruined food)
4. Trevor! ("non-fiction")
5. Guide to the Loire Valley ("non-fiction," from Lyle, but Mr. Bear had signed his name in the front! How goofy.)

I am so excited! It looks like I can do a lot of reading this year, and that will keep me from committing sins. Thank you everyone!

Happy Thanksgiving 2007!